TRAFFIC HUYOOOOOO! EMBU TUJARIBU KAMA TUTUAPITA!

Traffic Huyoooooo! Embu Tujaribu Kama Tutuapita! Penzi La Traffic Na Nshomile Laingia Shubiri.



IGWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (Igwe wenu nikiweka ndani kwa kumsnitch mjeda mje mniwekee dhamana. Dola hii nacheza nayo! Oooooh! Chupi imenibana mapemaa, ila kama reporter wa ubuyu lazima ubuyu niumwage. :biggrin1:)



Kuna bi shosti mmoja ni lecturer sijui seminar leader anajipaisha tu u lecturer sijajua bado lakini anashika chaki kwa wana vyuo hawa moja ya pande za CTU. Huyu bi dada ametua juzi tuu 2014 baada ya kuhitimu vyuo mbali mbali dunini kuanzia bara la Asia, America mpaka uajemi ya mbali. Ni mtu karudi na kifaili cha vyeti ndani ya 6yrs alizo disappear. Manake ukisema CMA, utasikia ninayo hiyo, MBA, ninayo ya Uholanzi, CFA, ninayo Tobaaaaaaaaaa! Sijui nini managment ninayooooo! Kiruuuuuuuuu. Wabongo tunaona hiki kina kirefuuu, unarudi zako nyuma unapangusa makalio unatulia. Wenyewe tuliopita pita skuli mambo yetu bado si mazuri tunamuita NSHOMILEEEEEEEE:biggrin1:. Nshomile karudi kafanya kazi bank 4, 5 ndani ya six month kaona wana mis use akili zake, akili nyingi wanampa task ndogo ndogo, manake interest rate imepanda, anawauliza sasa hawa wateja mlikubaliana huu mkopo rate yake itakuwa Fixed au Floating? Manake si mnaona Rate imepanda world wide kwenye financial markets we can make a killing kwa super normal profit. Anaambiwa subiri kwanza, tuulizane, mwishowe wakamuuliza head kabisaa. Mwisho oooh HATUJUI! Hiiiiiii! Hatukukubaliana na mteja kabla! GADEMMMM mibaba na MBA zao bank za 1980s. Akaona hapa nafanya kazi na bunch of losers who dont have a clue what they are doing ndo kuamua kwenda kushika chaki kwa hasira walau apolish young minds. Wanafunzi wanakomaaaa. Assigment unafatilia New York Stock Exchange unacompare na Nairobi Stock Exchange maksi 60% Toba yalabiiiiii! Hamna company X,Y Z, real companies, real financial markets, real finance. Chezea Nshomile nyieee? Hapana chezea.



Sasa Nshomile ni woman of principle afu ni control freak, not mention ana guts za kufa mtu. Wenywe kwasababu akili zetu ndogo tunamfat fata nyuma tu. Tutafanyaje teanaaa na yule ndo kipanga wetu, ndo anajua kutafuta hela, ndo anatuweka mjini, mwendo wa Yes Boss tu, Utumwa huru ndo huu. Anapenda wanaume handsome hakuna mfanoo. Yani akiona mwanaume handsome yupo radhi kumtongozaaa. Hatolalaaaaa! Yani ukisikia man scavenger ndo yule. Na haijawahi tokea amtake mwanaume amkosee. Na hachukui miswampidaaaa. Sema anawahi kuwachoka maybe coz anawapata kirahisi. Anaweza kutumia nguvu kubwa kumpata mtu lakini baada ya 1 game akamtemaa hawezi kazi kitandani. Hahaaaa. Tubakia tu he was so cute! Hahahaaa! Yaani wanaume wa maana hawa Average Joe leo kesho wanamtaka ni kiama hana habari nao kabisaaaa. Kama kalogwa vile. Kuna mwarabu mtoto wa wenye hizi sheli hizi anampenda kufaa, ila ndo wanapiga friendly game tu. (Hadi kufikia hapa walokole mpo Holly Cow! Hahahaaa!:biggrin1: Hapa bado mbonaaa.) In short she is a lucky bi.tch she get what she wants when she wants it.



Mkasa na traffi ulianza alipita hio junction, akamuona traffic bonge moja ya HB. Mmmmmh! Akamuingia rohoni kinyamaaaa ile ilee. Kila saa anamuongela, wapambe nuksi tukasema tayari hapa kazi ishaanza. Basi kazi yetu kumlamba boss makalio utasikia Nshomile mi ndugu yangu traffic atakua anamjua yule. Kama shetani tu siku hio bar yuko na entourage yake sababu hana mpinzani kulipa bili bar, wapambe kibaaooo akawa anamongela Traffic, dream zake na nini. Kuna mdada pembeni akadakia mi namjua huyo Traffic, si wa pale naniii, anaitwa nanii. Tukamvutia kiti ajae ajiunge mezani kwetu next to Le Boss. Eeeh mi nina buzi langu ndo boss wao. Ngoja nikuombee namba, kapiga haloo eeh kuna mtu anataka namba ya flani, ongea nae hapa. Wapambe mijicho imetutokaaa.



Basi Le Traffic Boss akajibu kimkwaraaa. Unataka ya nini namba hio, maana si watu wa usalama sio vizuri kutoa namba sijui nini, ile ujeda ujedaaa. Akamkuta Nshomile zinachaji akamwambia mi mwanamke bwana naitaka namba hio kimahusiano. Le boss akacheka tu akamwambia nakugea ila usinitaje. Basi yule dada mpaka kesho shostiii kwa kutoa namba ya Le Traffic. Tulitegemea amuanze soon, wapiiii. Usiku ukaisha bila bila. Navohisi Le Boss itakuwa alimwambia dogo kuna demu limekuzimikiaaa. Nimetoa namba. Sasa kuona kimya siku kibao akajua dili ndo lilishakua dirisha tena.



Siku hio anapita hapo kuna bonge ya Jam, akampigia halooo, mi naitwa flani bana, naomba uvute hii bara bara huku nimechoka kukaa kwenye folleni. Taffic auliza nani mwenzangu? Akaambiwa we vuta magari utaniona hapo ndo tutafahamiana. Waambiwa kavuta mgari mpera mpera mpaka wakavuka. Badae anampigia badoo? Yuko mi nimepita hapo nimekukazia macho hujanionaaa. Ndo nishapitaa hivo siku ingine. Kama mara 3 mchezo huo huo. Basi Traffic ndo kuanza kumtext jamani mi napenda nikuone japo siku moja tu, sijui nini. Kosaaa! Bi dada ndo kumuingiza kingi. Mi nakupenda, na namba nilichukua tuwe wapenzi, sitaki urafiki. Traffic anajiongezaa usijaliii naheshimu hisia zako, siwezi kukutenda, blah blah blah! Paka akiona samaki lazima alie nyauuuuuu! Traffic akamwambia achague mahali waonane. BLIND DATE!!!!!!!! Mpo hapo? Bibie akakubali.



Akawa anatuuliza nichague wapi? Mi nikamwambia chagu posh place matraffic wana hela wale mabao yote siku nzima. Alaaa! Oooh mi sitaki ananione gold digger, first impression zina mata. I want this to be perfect, this guy is the one i can feel it! Come on! Nikaona shosti kweli kapatikana. Basi akaishia kuchagua sehemu ya kati tu. Kawaida yeye ndo mwalimu wangu wa ushangingi uliokubuhu, the places she has been, the jobs she has done i can only dream. Lakini safari hii kocha anamuomba ushauri mchezaji? Hahaaaa! Niongeeee nini? Nivae nini? Mi nambambia just be your self, you will be fine, it is you the maestro! Noooo, noo myself wont cut it this time, what part of i want it to be perfect dont you understand? I need something solid, i need to make an impression. Mi nikaa kimya. Kuja kumchungulia namkuta GOOGLE! What to talk on fist date! Hahahahaaaaa Come on! How to dress on first dates. Hahahahaaaaaaaaa! What not to say on first dates. Holly Cow! Mmmmmh! Nikasema kazi ipo.



Wakaenda kwenye hio date, mambo yakawa mambo, saa 7 namshwa na kilonga longa he is so sweet you wnt believe it. He like me. blah blah blah! Nikasema hapa hapa napiga umatonya kwa mood hii hawezi kuchomoa, can i have the Gucci shades. Bwana na wewe nakwambia mambo ya msingi unawaza Gucci shades chukuaaa, ukitaka chukua shades zote i dont care im in love! Duuu! Nikamuuliza vipi mwezi umeandama, yuko badooo he is such a gentle man he just kissed me. Baas! Mmmmh! (Kama mnahisi shades sikuchukua nilichukua! Hahahahaa!) Wakaonana like 2 or 3 times Traffic game hatoi! Basi anaanza kuingiwa shaka, he is not gay is he? He cant be gay banaa. Hahaaaa! Nikamwambia tuliaaa acha pupaa kijana rijali kabisaa yule anakutolea udendaaa. Sasa mbona ujento man unazidi sasa? Nikamwambia tulia. All this time msichana anachagua viwanja kaka analipa hela. Basi hio siku akamuita hoteli haina hata jina ila iko nyokooo kishenzii, ndo mtanange ukapigwa afu mambo anayaweza vibaya mnooo. Ndo akazidi kumchanganya. Bi dada. Wapambe kunywa sasa kawa police messy. Yaaaani ni baalaaa. Hangout ndo na men in uniforms mda wote. Mi nikaanza kujikata i hate uniforms, all of them, i am a corporate kind of guys lady, a corporate fanatic at heart, . Mpka akiomba sanaa niwepo nakuwepo, sahivi i know a few ranks za Police. Hahaaaa!



We mambo yalikuwa HOT HOT! Siku hio kaenda hapo junction, mwenyewe anita magari kule, bi dada kakaa kivulini anamngoja. Mara akaja mdada na bonge ya Prado, kisu cha kufa mtuuu. Mbeba pochi wake nikmashtua nsholie cheki kule, yule demu kufika pale anaumuulizia yule yule traffic! Nikaweka mikono kichwani. Nshomile kapanic, nae kaambiwa kaa pale na wenzio, sie hao sasa umngoje. Mmmh! Basi Nshomile kufanya fujo na kuleta zogo lisilo na maana. Niko karibu yake anaonge kwa nguvu mrai tu Bibi Maprado asikie. Flani bwana wangu, ananipenda sanaa, sijui kanipeleka wapiii, kanifanyia nini. Bibie maprado kimyaa. Shosti anazidi kujimiminaaa. Bibie Maprado akaona isiwe tabu akaenda kwenye kweny prado lakeee. Anajipulia tu AC. Ananiambia flani akija akaanzia kwa yule maprado navunja kioo cha gari. Namwambia tuliaaa, acha pressure. Kama Mungu akaanzia kwetu, basi bibi kurefusha story bil hata sababu amkomoe tu Maprado. Baadae akamwambia haya twende kwa maprado. Mmmmmh! Tukaangaliana. Kufika kule tukakaa nyuma kwanza waonge kidogo akatuita, nasikia ushajishau kwa wifi yako mpaka basi! Hahahahaaaaa! Ndo roho kufanya huuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Kumbe dada yake bwana ikawa salama yake.



Baadae shubiri ikaanza kuingia kidogo kidogooo. Ile kila siku analipa yeye akaanza kuleta janja ya nani kumualika home,awe anamla home, bibie akagomaaa. Mtu anakaa na dada yake, una gegedwa unashindwa hata kwenda kuoga. Alaaa! Mitoto imekutolea macho ndiii, inahuuu. Ndo ikaja kuulizana NANI ANA SPONSOR GAME LA LEO? Hiiiiiiiii! Mi ndo naghairi kabisaa kutoa hio gam bora nikatubu tu baaaaasi! Lakini alimuelewesha mi salary slip yangu hii, sina hela nyingi kihivo. Kukutegemea siwezi lakini mimi sina vikubwa vya kukupa. Huku na vikwazo tu vidogo vidogo. Demu kitu kidog nakuacha! Traffic nundaa, niache, mi sipendi kutishiana, mtu akinitishia namuacha mimi kabla hajaniacha. Wnagombana wanapatana hivo hivo. Sasa siku hio akawa anaumwa kazidiwa hoi usiku.Anamtumia traffic sms aje walale wote hajisikii poa. Hajibu! Afu anamuona online anabadili profile picture, status. Akimpigia hapokei, tuma sms kibaooo. Holaa. Ndo kumpigia mtoto wa mwarabu mwnye masheli aje, sijui aliagaje kwao ndo kumpleka TMJ akalazwa. Akampa 48 hrs traffic hajmtafuta na sms yupo TMJ sijui nini kimyaa. Akawa kachukiaaa ni balaa. Akaamua kumtolea uvivu. Tobaaaaaaaaaa!



Si ndo kumtukana mwanaume gani hujaenda shuleee, unalipwa laki 4, kapuku mkubwaa weee, kufanya hujui nakuvumilia tu, ndo maana form six mwenzio nina degree 5 na nikipublish nitakuwa Prof in no time, wewe sio hadhi yangu, mimi natakiwa kutoka na wanaume wa maana kama mimi, ndo maana flani (mimi huyo nauziwa kesi) alisema mimi sio type yako, alipatia sanaa, ulitakiwa utoke na wangajiwangaji wenzio wasioenda shulee, huwezi kunifikia hata ukienda shule my lowest GPA 4.4, mimi ni mwanamke mwenye akili najitambuaaa. Kamvua nguo huyo kaka si kidogooo. Nimekuhurumia tuuu, ushawahi kutoka na demu mwenye degree wew sijui nini yaani kalikoroga kweli kweli. Tungeoana ningekulisha tu weweee, nina consultancy wananilipa 54m kwa kazi ya vipage kadhaa ushawahi kushika hizo wewe, mbwa tu wewe, utakufa kwenye uniform. Hahahahaaaaaaaaaaa! (IT IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER AND I AM ASHAMED OF MYSELF) Traffic akajibu SAWA, NASHUKURU SANAAA. ASANTE SANAA. Mshenzi yule naeee, mitusi yotee unajibu asantee. Hahahaaaaa! (Kimya kimya)



Sasa bibie hasira zimepoa, keshakinukishaa, kila akijitahidi kumsahau, wapiiiiiiiiii. Haweziiii. Kaokota mtu ili tu ajisahaulish machungu ya traffic , anakwambia game yake haifikii viwango vya traffic. Kila akikaa moja haikai mbili haisimami she is craving for traffics love. Ndo kuja kuniona Lara ndugu yangu wewe mzee wa propaganda, ukishindwa wewe hili, hakuna atae liweza, I WANT HIM BACK, I WANT HIM BADLY, lakini afte what i told him sidhani kama anataka kuniona tenaa, hapoki simu zangu, sms hajibuuuu, he soesnt want to see me again. Michozi kibaaao! Steringi maumivu yamemzidi! Hahahaaaa! Pleas do anything i get him back. Sio mikono mitupu, Sonny VIAO Prototype 2013 edition hii hapa, you get him back it is yours. Kaa nayo ikuzoee but please do anything you have to do. Daaaahhhhhh! Sonny naitaka ndugu yangu kilaptop kina binuka binuka ndo nakiandikia hapa, kitu touch, najibwedaa tuuu, kazi sina pakuanzia. Kwa mineno ile nanzia wapi watu wazima wenzangu? Kitu hiki $1500 kwenda juuu. Huo msamaha wa $1500 napiga siasa gani jamani, na hvi watu wakiniona nacho hiki kitu nishatangaza cha kwangu, sijahongwa jasho langu naanzia wapi. Kila naulizwa nimefikia wapi?.:biggrin1:. Kwa mineno ile msamaha unapatikana au nirudishe tu hii mashine kwa nshomile. Nipige propaganda gani mwenzenu???????????



WANAWAKE MKIKASIRIKA MSIWE MNAONGEA NA WANAUME MATOKEO YAKE NDO KAMA HIVI. Embu ngoja kwanza nifunge hii mashine kabla haijachakaaaaa! Manake safari ya kurudi kwa mwenyewe haipo mbali! Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggh!



THE END! MVIVU WA KUSOMA HAFAIDI